


Affronts and Agents

by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, no one dies I swear, spy/special agent au?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 20:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8461954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_My_Characters_Are_Dead/pseuds/All_My_Characters_Are_Dead
Summary: Whoever put Tendou in charge of assigning teams really shouldn't have, because Shirabu might kill Futakuchi and Yahaba, and Yaku might go after Tendou (again) if this keeps up.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was talking to starlity (go look them up on tumblr if you haven't seen their art it's fantastic), and was inspired by the conversation we had, so here you go!

“You have got to be shitting me.” Daishou sighed and grabbed the back of Yaku’s shirt before the shorter agent could storm up to - and, knowing him, probably kick - their supervisor. “Just because that traitor Kuroo landed a lucky shot-”

“Morisuke,” Daishou interrupted. “Why don’t we let him explain?” Yaku twisted, glaring over his shoulder at Daishou.

“You can’t be serious. Are you actually okay with being assigned a whole team, half of them fresh out of training?” Yaku spat. “I don’t want to be stuck as a babysitter just because I got _grazed_ by a-”

“That wasn’t a graze, you took a bullet to the thigh and you’re still limping,” Daishou corrected, tone perfectly even and polite.

“Don’t you use your smooth-talking voice on me, you bastard,” Yaku growled.

“Language, Yakkun,” their supervisor chided. “Wouldn’t want to set a bad example for the kids, now would you?” Yaku’s scowl managed to get even darker, and he lunged forward despite Daishou’s grip on his shirt. Daishou sighed and hauled Yaku back, dragging him off balance and then curling an arm around Yaku’s waist, hoisting the smaller man up like an uncooperative football. Daishou managed to grab Yaku’s wrists before Yaku had a chance to punch or elbow him anywhere unpleasant.

“Morisuke,” Daishou said sharply. Yaku grumbled and went limp. Daishou waited for a second just to make sure Yaku wasn’t going to suddenly go for their supervisor’s throat or something, then set him back on his feet. Yaku shot a look full of as much indignance as his small body could hold, then turned and glared at their supervisor. Daishou’s lips twitched and he got ready to grab Yaku again, knowing exactly how his partner would react to his next words. “Besides, the team won’t be half newbies. There’s only going to be us, Semi and Konoha, and Moniwa with four field agents, two field medics, and two analysts who all have little to no field experience.”

Yaku screeched and went for the supervisor’s throat.

* * *

 

“Did you cut your bangs yourself? Because they’re hideous.” Shirabu glared up at the tall, smirking _asshole_ who Shirabu really, really, _really_ hoped was in the room by mistake, because Shirabu had heard about Futakuchi from Class One, and he did _not_ want to end up on a tactical force with him. “Seriously. I could help you-”

“Touch my bangs and I will gut you like a fish and cut your organs so they’re hideous, too,” Shirabu snapped. Futakuchi blinked, then smirked.

“You have to be able to cut straight to gut a fish,” he informed Shirabu, who snarled and reached for his knives.

“Futakuchi, if that shrimp tries to gut you for being an ass I’ll kill you myself,” called Class One’s top newly-graduated junior agent, Yahaba. Shirabu opened his mouth to thank Yahaba for his support, only for Yahaba to turn a blindingly polite smile on him and add, “Although your bangs really are hideous, you know.” Shirabu snarled and grabbed for his blades again, but this time someone grabbed his wrists and pulled them away from his sides, holding his arms out from his body.

“No stabbing people on day one, Shirabu,” a familiar voice admonished him.

“Terushima, you have exactly _one second_ to take your hands off of me unless _you_ want to be the one I-”

“I trust you four are getting along well?” The supervisor who’d overseen the training of both classes of new junior agents swept past them with four strangers in tow, heading for the end of the room where the senior agents’ supervisor was just walking in, five more strangers with him.

“Yes, sir, Supervisor Sugawara!” all four junior agents answered in unison.

“Good. Come along and meet the rest of your new team, then,” Sugawara called over his shoulder. Yahaba was following Sugawara in an instant, perfectly composed and polite as always. Shirabu forced his irritation away and wrenched his wrists away from Terushima before going after him. Both groups met in the middle of the room, and The senior agents’ supervisor spoke first.

“Okay, kids! Listen up! If you managed to not know who I am even after all the training Koushi’s had your instructors put you through, I’m Tendou Satori, the supervisor for the senior agents. I’m also in charge of deciding who gets which ops, so that makes me doubly these guys’ boss!” he announced cheerfully, throwing his arms out to either side, presumably to indicate the five people behind him.

“Feel free to shoot or stab him,” grumbled the smallest of the five senior operatives behind Tendou. “He’s a slippery bastard though, so it might be too hard for you.”

“See, this is why you’re always the backup, Yakkun,” Tendou sighed. “You’re too abrasive to slip into places like DaiDai.”

“I’ll show you exactly what I can slip-”

“I’m proud of you for knowing the word ‘abrasive,’ Satori,” Sugawara hummed. Tendou gasped in mock offense, but one of the senior agents quickly interrupted.

“Anyway, I’m Daishou Suguru, and this is my partner, Yaku Morisuke,” the agent next to the short, angry one announced, throwing an arm around the shorter man’s shoulders and pulling him away from Tendou. “Over there is the other pair of senior agents for this team, Semi Eita and Konoha Akinori, and our senior analyst, Moniwa Kaname.” Shirabu scanned them, taking in Semi’s hair - _had he dyed the tips dark purple? Wouldn’t that make him stand out too much?_ \- and Konoha’s smirk and Moniwa’s anxious expression.

“These four are the new junior agents, Shirabu Kenjirou, Terushima Yuuji, Futakuchi Kenji, and Yahaba Shigeru. The other four…” Sugawara turned to beckon the strangers forward. “Sakusa Kyoomi and Miya Atsumu have just finished their training as field medics. Ennoshita Chikara and Akaashi Keiji will be working for Moniwa as junior analysts.”

“Hey, medics! Can either of you cut hair?” Futakuchi called. Sakusa, who wore a cloth mask over the lower half of his face, narrowed his eyes. At his side, Miya raised an eyebrow.

“Why? Yours looks pretty good,” Miya told him. Futakuchi grinned.

“Thanks, but I wasn’t asking for me. You see, my friend here needs some help with his bangs,” Futakuchi explained, slinging an arm around Shirabu’s shoulders. Shirabu didn’t even hesitate. He just seized Futakuchi’s forearm and yanked the taller man forward, bending so Futakuchi went flying over Shirabu’s shoulder with a yelp. Futakuchi landed flat on his back with Shirabu’s boot on his collarbone.

“Don’t touch me,” Shirabu snapped.

“Nicely executed, Shirabu,” Daishou broke in smoothly, stepping forward.

“We’ll leave you all to get acquainted,” Tendou announced, linking his arm through Sugawara’s and tugging the other supervisor toward the exit. “You all leave for your first mission as a team in one hour!”

“One hour? You’re an ass!” Yaku shouted after them. The door closed behind them, and Yaku scowled and turned to the junior agents.

“First thing’s first,” Semi announced before Yaku could say anything. “You kids need partners.”

“I call Yahaba!” Futakuchi announced. “I don’t want the hideous bangs guy as my partner.”

“Well fuck you, I don’t want to work with you, either!” Shirabu hissed.

“Actually, I think from the backgrounds we got on you four, pairing you two would work out nicely, so you’d better start being nice to each other,” Semi replied.

“I won’t-”

“Shirabu. Whether we like it or not, we’re a team now,” Daishou said, gaze sweeping over the group, including Yaku, who sighed and nodded. “That means we’re all working together. Your skill set and Futakuchi’s balance each other pretty well, from what I’ve seen in your profiles. Shirabu, your specialty is assisting teammates, slipping into locations unnoticed. Futakuchi’s specialties are defensive combat and drawing attention to himself. As long as you don’t kill each other you’ll be fine.”

“And if you try to kill each other and fail, Sakusa and I will take good care of you,” Miya added, smirking and sidling up to Shirabu, eyeing the junior agent appraisingly. Shirabu scrunched up his nose and sidestepped, slipping around Terushima to put him between himself and Miya.

“We have less than an hour. Get your gear. Anything you think you might need. Meet us in the briefing room in half an hour. Go!” Yaku ordered. The junior team members stared at him for a second. “I said _move_ , kids!” Yaku shouted. They scattered.

As they left, the senior team members could hear Yahaba and Futakuchi resuming their discussion of Shirabu’s hair.

“So when are you going to tell them we just decided to pair up whoever got along the worst, and it was just luck that their skill sets match up?” Yaku asked.

“Never,” Semi and Daishou answered in unison.

**Author's Note:**

> For now, this is just a oneshot (I have soooo many projects going on right now) but I might add more in the future.


End file.
